I just want a phone. Is that too much to ask?

Subtitle: How to disable Google Now Cards (that keep annoying you) when you swipe left (right? up? argh, fuck this shit!)

I own an Android phone.

In an effort to get rid of a feature that came with updates I’ve been going through dozens and dozens of settings. Unsuccessful, at wit’s end, writing angry loner feedback to Google support (also known as /dev/null) begging for them to make it easy for users to opt out of what I consider intrusive garbage when it turns out I can simply replace the launcher.

Google Now: Brought to you by a company that makes ~77% of its revenues from advertising, otherwise known as the “World’s most honest business model.”

KISS Android Launcher — Bonus feature: All my searches are now redirected to Wikipedia and/or DuckDuckGo.

KISS is a programming principle that stands for “Keep it simple, stupid!” The KISS Launcher code is GPL and available on GitHub. The Kiss Launcher app is available for free on Google Play.

#dadphone